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For the sake of noting another anniversary, I'm jumping way ahead in our story. On July 8th one year ago, after spending the first 10 1/2 weeks of his life in the NICU of two different hospitals, Cole came home. It was one of the greatest miracles of his life. He had proven just days before that he could breathe completely on his own. It was so unexpected and simply amazing. I was ecstatic. Eric and I spent the night at the hospital the night before going home to have a trial run with Cole. He had a very set schedule of medications and feedings, and it was our job that night to handle those responsibilities ourselves, knowing there were nurses just outside our room to help us if we needed it. We made it through the night without much sleep, and I figured we'd be leaving the next day by noon at the latest. But that day ended up being long and filled with a mix of emotions. There were many papers to sign. There was medical equipment to learn how to use. We had a quick course in CPR. The car seat had to be installed and rigged in a certain way to ensure Cole could breathe okay. And there were many, many goodbyes to the doctors and nurses who cared for Cole and for our family so wonderfully. I remember some of his nurses, who referred to themselves as Cole's girlfriends, talking about Cole going to the zoo. The zoo? I discovered at some point that in their sadness over seeing the babies leaving the hospital, they referred to home as the zoo. It made it easier on them, I guess.

I was a wreck by the afternoon; so exhausted and so incredibly anxious to get Cole in the car and go. We were finally packed up and ready around 4 pm. Cole looked so tiny in his car seat. I got in the back seat and just kept my eyes on Cole as we headed down the highway. He looked content. My heart was content. At last we would have our son in our home, in his home, free from monitors and excess noise. At last we would have a baby in the crib that had been empty for too long. At last we would be a family under one roof with some sense of normalcy.

Thank you Lord for that day. You made it possible, and I will be forever grateful.

Cole's room at St. Louis Children's Hospital

all snuggled in

Here we go!

home at last