The Battle

September is here, and it's been a hard month so far. I knew it would be. The first anniversary of Cole's death is less than 2 weeks away, and well, that just seems crazy. And I actually feel a bit crazy right now. I just cried and cried because I miss Cole so much. We have a busy month ahead, and all the things happening and coming up are good and positive, yet I feel like a crazy person emotionally. I'm overwhelmed by the busy-ness, and my heart is still broken. We just began a wonderful project to benefit others and to honor Cole's memory, and I am thankful for that opportunity. Our journey has brought new friends into my life and has re-connected me with old ones. This is all good, right? I know it is, yet none of it would have come about if Cole had been a normal, healthy baby. Cole struggled for 4 1/2 months, then he died. And now all these "good" things are happening. I don't know if I'm properly articulating the way I feel. It's just an emotional, spiritual battle.  I ask God "why" when I know full well I may never get the answer I want. I know He wants me to simply trust him. I need to trust that his plan for me is good. It is way better than anything I could dream up myself. Everything that happened last year and everything that has come to us as a result is part of that plan. Everything yet to come is part of that plan.

I will trust. It may be a battle, but I will trust.

10,000 Reasons

I love the song "10,000 Reasons" by Matt Redman. I especially love this verse:

"The sun comes up,
Its a new day dawning.
Its time to sing your song again.
What ever may pass and whatever lies before me,
Let me be singing when the evening comes."

This is a good reminder for me to stay focused on the Lord and to keep trusting and praising him no matter what the days bring. Take a listen here.